Unton’s Teeth
Unton Croke was a funny bloke
With long thin fingers and a big hook nose.
His eyes were small like button holes
His ears as furry as water voles.
His bandy legs were skinny pegs
With knees shaped just like hard boiled eggs.
His arms and hands were shaped like oars
That dragged and scraped along the floor.
His hair hung down like dead brown grass,
His skin the shade of tarnished brass.
And yet when all was taken in,
If one could see beyond the skin,
Despite all this, hid underneath,
Unton Crook had perfect teeth.
His gnashers were so pearly white,
They glowed like rows of candlelight.
His molars were indeed supreme,
Made to nosh the best cuisine.
His canines were above divine,
Like little angels in a line.
While one ever could dismiss
His wisdoms of sheer dental bliss.
And with incisors so first-rate
He was his dentist’s bestest mate.
Yet here’s the tale, so sad but true,
Unton Crook was always blue.
Despite his teeth of such great style,
Unton Crook could never smile.
For not a soul about the place
Could ever see past Unton’s face.
Every child would mock his eyes,
His nose, his hair, his skinny thighs,
His massive hands and knobbly knees,
His stick-like arms and hairy ears.
Poor Unton hid away in shame
His smile a wish in all but name.
His only joy was his day out
When the dentist scoured his gleaming mouth
And filled the air with shouts of glee
Cause Unton’s teeth were trouble free.
Yet as the time passed slowly by
They saw the sadness in his eyes,
And dentists being gentle men
Thought that they should help him mend.
So next time he was dentist bound
The gang of dentists gathered round
And sat young Unton in the chair
In which they gave him dental care.
‘Now, young lad,’ said Dr Brown
‘We’ve noticed how you’re feeling down
And even though your teeth are grand
The rest of you is rather bland.’
Unton’s eyes brimmed with tears
To hear this from his friends of years.
‘You’re very cruel!’ sobbed Unton Croke,
‘To make me out to be a joke.’
‘Fret not, boy!’ said Dr Bull,
‘We’re going to make you beautiful.
From feet to knees and hands to snout
We’ll make you look a real knockout.
Now you just have a little snooze
And when you wake you’ll be Tom Cruise!’
As Unton slept, off they set
To make him look the very best.
They cut his nails and combed his hair,
Changed his clothes and underwear,
Buffed his shoes and trimmed his ears
And made his eyes look bright and clear.
‘Awake, dear boy,’ said Dr Brown
‘It’s time to go about the town.’
‘About the town?’ Unton squawked,
‘I dare not go out for a walk!
When people see me they just smirk
And tell me I’m a gangly berk!’
‘Hush now, lad!’ said Dr Bull
‘You’ll find that life is wonderful,
As every tiny step you take
You’ll realise that you’re just great!’
With trepidation rising high
Unton stood up with a sigh.
‘Very well, in you I’ll trust;
I’ll take a walk if walk I must!’
So from dark dentist into day
The three companions made their way.
Along the street they proudly strode
Like three banditos in a row.
Unton hung his head afraid
Of anything the world might say,
When suddenly he heard a peep
From someone else across the street.
‘Hey, Unton Croke, you look so cool,
Come join our club when we’re in school!’
He raised his face and stared in awe
To see a girl that he adored.
‘Oh, my goodness!’ Unton beamed,
‘That was Liz from Class 3B!’
The further on the threesome went
The more he heard the compliments.
‘Unton’s cool!’ and ‘Unton’s great!’
And ‘Unton, will you be my mate?’
Soon enough they reached his home
And went on in to see his folks.
When Mother saw him she just screamed
‘Unton, how’d you get so clean?
For so long now, with all my power,
I’ve tried to get you in the shower!
To trim your ears and change your clothes,
To teach you how to use a comb!
Now look at you, you handsome lad!
Just wait ‘til I can tell your Dad!’
Unton frowned. ‘It wasn’t me,
I’ve had facial surgery!
My two chums gave me some gas
And made look less like an ass!’
Dr Bull and Dr Brown
Said to Unton, ‘Lad, sit down.
We did nothing more to you
Than all the things that you can do.
We trimmed your ears and combed your hair
Changed your clothes and underwear.
We put some eye drops in your eyes
To give them both a bit of life.
But little more than that we did
To make you look a million quid!
We didn’t set out to deceive,
Just to give you some belief!
You see what you just did not know
Was that you’d let your image go.
Your teeth are perfect, make no fuss,
But not because of both of us.
We just cleaned them when required
To make you keep that perfect smile.
But just like teeth, the rest of you
Also needs some loving too.
So now and then, just make some time
To have a bath and clean the grime.’
Unton smiled the biggest smile
That he had smiled in a long while.
And every day from that day on
He preened himself until he shone,
And those he thought he’d never know
Went out their way to say ‘hello’.