THE VORACIOUS VAMPIRE

 

There once was a vampire from Glamis,

Who never meant to do harm,

But just once a night,

He needed a bite,

A sanguineous shot in the arm.

 

He was casual in dress and deport,

And an air of charm did export.

With his bright orange locks

And deep purple smock,

He was welcomed from hovel to court.

 

The ladies would swoon at his smile

As he swept them away with his style.

And the moment he bit,

They’d gladly submit

To the use of their blood for a while.

 

No one could sense his deep need

To occasionally make a friend bleed.

They all thought him great,

Completely first rate,

A man of high breeding indeed.

 

Yet the vampire was so discontent

To suck blood wherever he went.

He wanted a wife,

A good normal life!

No more sneaking around in torment.

 

So he resolved to restore

The humanity he so longed for.

By finding a spouse,

Whose true love would oust,

His desire for blood ever more.

 

He found a beautiful girl

And they fell in love in a whirl.

And all vampire lust

Became nothing but dust

As affection for her did unfurl.

 

Then slowly he saw what was true -

He had married a haggard old shrew,

Who nagged day and night

And was truly a blight

Upon everything he tried to do.

 

So, as she snored while she slept,

He plunged his teeth in her neck

And sucked ‘til he’d drained

All of her veins,

‘Til nothing was left but a speck.

 

When the food on somebody’s plate

Looks better than what you just ate,

Just remember his meat

May be an ill treat

And may in the end agitate.